I read a classic book by Dale Carnegie entitled How to Win Friends and Influence People. If you've never read it, I'd highly recommend it. Carnegie's words were penned decades ago but they're still relevant today. One section of the book is summarized below:
Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say "You're Wrong."
3. If you're wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Start with questions to which the other person will answer yes.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.
Each of these is explained in great depth in the book (using examples of people who have long since passed on - which is part of the charm of the book) so I won't attempt to do it here. What I will do however is encourage you to operate by them, even if just at their face value.
We often encounter shouting matches between people. Even though the loudest opponent sometimes wins, in the long run, nobody really wins. The person who feels they are successful, will employ the tactic every time in the future. The person who feels they lost the argument will immediately have a bad day and pass that attitude on to the next person they come across, which might just incite another explosion.
The answer? Keep your cool. I've found (even though I sometimes have a hair-trigger temper), particularly in dealing with irate people that by using a smile and a calm tone of voice, I get far more than if I am loud and obnoxious. People feed off our attitude. If it's good, you'll get it back in return. If it's bad, you'll get it right back.
This week as you encounter situations with within the community, underperforming employees, or that rude person yakking loudly next to you on their cell phone, take a moment for a quick attitude adjustment. This week we will all have the opportunity to have some opportunities to practice these principles. Let's see if we can all have a good week!
Excellent post. 5 & 7, although good "tactics" to win people to your way of thinking are too manipulative to me. They tend to get in the way of authenticity and transparency and sometimes cause a bit more problems than is anticipated. I do like the wonderful points you bring up in your comments about people "feeding off attitude" and the fact is that calmness and rational methods are just as contagious as anger and haste (although emotion sometimes rules the day). Wonderful thoughts and thanks for sharing. - JJ Musgrove
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