Fair and Firm Discipline

Fair and firm discipline isn't a catch phrase type of discipline. It is simply you, the parent, creating a discipline plan for your children that are fair to both of you and sticking to it using a firm and loving approach. Here are three reasons why you should:

· Fair and firm discipline teaches respect for adults and those in authority. Teens who do not have any, little or the wrong type of discipline in the home often are those who get in trouble at school and/or with the law.

 

· Fair and firm discipline allows your teen to feel safe. When you set clear expectations and limits you are showing your teen the safe route through the maze of dos and don'ts in their daily lives. You are giving them a map to follow where they get to make choices for themselves. This is a very safe feeling and helps with building confidence. Older teens will eventually learn how to set their own expectations and limits when you follow this type of discipline.

· Fair and firm discipline allows your teen to take responsibility for their actions. When your teen understands the rules and the consequences and knows that they are expected to follow the rules then they are ready and often willing to take consequences – whether they are positive or negative. This means you can’t forget to remember to praise your teen’s good behavior as well as stand by the consequences you have set for poor behavior.

Be A Problem Solver

I’m recently flew from Austin to Seattle. While waiting for us to get past 10,000 feet so I could turn on my IPAD, I picked up the ever-present SkyMall catalog.

If you’ve never seen one of these, they’re really quite amazing.  Everything you can imagine to solve a problem or make life more convenient is offered for sale.  Just scanning through the pages, I found the following “can’t miss” items:

The Thundershirt (a compression garment to put on your dog so they won’t freak out during thunderstorms)

Gravity Defyer – shoes with springs built into the heel so you can stand up longer without hurting your back.

MeshWerx – a small board with spandex straps that holds all of your pens, nail files, keys, etc. and keeps them organized inside your purse or carry-on bag.

LitterKwitter – a system for toilet training your cat

The FastFinger Alphabetical keyboard – for those dinosaurs who still “hunt and peck” when typing.

The Sand-Free Multi-Mat – so you won’t have to deal with sand getting all over your towel at the beach.

What’s interesting about the SkyMall catalog is that somebody somewhere came up with these ideas.  It’s the innovation of it all that really impresses me.  It’s as if somebody is thinking about what annoys me now and what might annoy me in the future.  Powerful stuff.

I wonder if that’s something all of us could do?  If so, wouldn’t it really improve your value and make you irreplaceable at work?  Think about it:

What problems are we facing right now at work that could be solved by something that nobody’s ever thought of before?

What are others doing right now that we could improve on?

What problem isn’t even an issue now but could become one in the next 3-5 years?  What could we do to solve it?

What are we doing really well right now that could be made even better or more relevant?

I’m sure these are the same kinds of questions the innovators who have their products in the SkyMall Catalog have thought of.  If you think everything that can be invented is already done, think again.  After all, the SkyMall Catalog is updated nearly every month and there is always new products in addition to the old ones.

All of us can add value to our organizations by becoming strategic, out-of-the-box problem-solvers.  It just means asking “why” more often and putting ourselves in the minds of those we serve for.

Take some time this week to look at what you’re doing and think of ways to make it better and more efficient.  Creative and more valuable.  Innovative and more affordable.  It’s the best way to build and maintain your place and your job security!

Now if only I could invent a system to automatically smack the person sitting behind you on an airplane that pulls himself up out of the seat by grabbing onto your headrest!

How to Become a Better Leader on the Job

I have been asked by several of my colleagues if I have any advice on how to become a leader, or a more effective leader. After I put some thought to the matter, I came up with several recommendations.

First of all, if you’re aiming for a leadership position, you can’t be shy. Overcome any potential inhibitions, or passivity. You have to have initiative, perseverance and drive.  I don’t remember who said it, but one of my favorite quotes on leadership is: “Leaders don’t wait. They shape their own frontiers.”

I offer these strategies for shaping your own future:

Absorb knowledge. Gain expertise in all business functions of your organization — including procurement, human resources, contracting, information technology, budgeting, and project management— even if these topics don’t interest you. You then will be prepared to make sound  judgments about all operations.

Identify your knowledge gaps and then fill them by seeking appropriate projects, detail assignments and volunteer experience. Exploit training opportunities offered by your agency and professional organizations.

Toughen your skin.  It’s lonely at the top; you have to be prepared for that. Being a strong leader sometimes requires making unpopular decisions, and even sometimes making decisions that you might not necessarily agree with yourself. You must be prepared to take the bull by the horns, and bear criticism and negative responses from others.

Remember the importance of providing a clear, strong rationale for decisions after the fact.  Be prepared to explain the consequences of your actions and inactions.

Listen to the objectors. Try to respond in a positive, professional manner.  Always thank others for their different points of view.

Create a safe environment for colleagues, staffers and others to provide honest feedback — including opposing arguments — on your decisions, speeches and strategies.

Go for the long haul. Don’t let occasional defeats paralyze you. You don’t need a 100 percent success rate to maintain a leadership position.

Leaders, especially political leaders, don’t win every election and might not be on the winning side of every vote. But you have to stay in the game, and have a generally good win-loss record. Most importantly, persistence with integrity pays off.

Get beyond flattery. Get outside of insulated bubbles filled by ego-boosting yes people and aggressively solicit candor from advisers.

Reward others. Part of being a benevolent and popular leader is to publicly thank hard-working staffers for their contributions.

Acknowledge milestones in the lives of your staff. A congratulation   on a staffers promotion, anniversary, or birthday, may make big, lasting impressions on those whose support you need.

What’s your motivation?

I absolutely HATE cleaning house so to motivate myself, I put in my Alice Cooper “The Alice Cooper Show” CD from 1977 and listen to the concert.  While listening to music, I couldn’t help but think about Alice Cooper in his sixties, still out there performing. Interestingly enough, you can watch the same band today and he attacks the stage and with the same energy.   It’s almost as if he’s playing to people who have never seen them live and he wants to make the experience unforgettable, AND to those who’ve seen them many times before.  In both cases, the concerts are outstanding. Alice Cooper plays like it’s the first time anyone has seen them.

It became very clear to me that the music is infectious and my motivation.  What’s yours?  Is there something that you do routinely and are finding yourself getting bored with?  If so, remember, the routine you do might be the first experience somebody has with you.  For them, they would expect to see you performing with the enthusiasm of it being your first time “on stage.”  If people have dealt with your or your organization before, they expect you to top the last performance.

Jimmy Buffet must be absolutely SICK of singing Margaritaville, but it’s his signature song.  He needs to perform it as if the audience has never heard it before.  For them, it’s a once-in-a-lifetime experience to see him.  If I ever get to see Alice Cooper in concert, I’ll expect to hear all the classics performed with the energy I see in my 1977 CD, anything less would be a letdown.  You can’t afford any of the people you contact to have a letdown either.  What’s your motivation?

This week, think about what you can do to treat your job, audience, task, or performance as if it’s the first in front of a new audience or in front of someone who’s seen it numerous times.  It will definitely cause you to ramp up your game.  I’m up for it.  Are you?

Are You on Top of the Foodchain?

Last week, after surfing the channels looking for something interesting to watch, I stumbled upon a very interesting documentary on the Smithsonian channel.  Apparently, some whale watchers captured video of a Killer Whale eating a Great White Shark.

Now everything we’ve ever seen or heard about Great Whites suggests they sit on top of the food chain.  Nothing preys on them and they have their run of the ocean.  In this video clip however, the Great White was no match for the Orca.

Every success story begins by somebody having a dream or goal and then working hard, against many odds, to achieve it.  Attaining success is just part of the battle though.  Retailers and products experience rags-to-riches-to-rags stories. Even “Bad Bad Leroy Brown” was the “baddest man in the whole damn town” until somebody left him “looking like a jigsaw puzzle with a couple of pieces gone.”  Please forgive the old song quote. I could not help myself.

So how to do you stay on top of the food chain?  Here are some suggestions:

Remember what got you there.  There is a tendency, after a long-drawn-out climb to the top, to relax and enjoy the view.  I’ve experienced periods like this where I don’t seem to have the same motivation to keep up the grind, I’ve had several setbacks at work as punishment to keep me from slacking off again.  Just keep in mind, when you’re on top, there’s somebody else, even hungrier than you were, waiting to take your place.

Don’t get complacent.  Just because nobody can challenge you now doesn’t mean they can’t in the future.  In the documentary I watched, the Great White cruised over to take on the Orca (which was not native to this particular part of the ocean) not realizing it wouldn’t be intimidated.  Keep one eye on the prize and the other one looking over your shoulder (I know that’s anatomically impossible but you know what I mean…)

Don’t be arrogant.  Quiet confidence always wins the day over overt arrogance.  I’ve heard that it’s not the roaring lion you ought to fear – they’re the old, toothless ones who roar to keep you away.  Fear the young ones that creep up on you… Don’t ever give up on pursuing your dreams.  It’s healthy and a key to total career success.  In the same, don’t give up on holding on to your dreams.  The top of the food chain is certainly the BEST place to be, but don’t let anyone take you off of it willingly.

Oh and just some food for thought.  Even the Orca isn’t on top of the food chain.  After all, haven’t you seen Shamu at Sea World obediently jumping over a pole for a few little fish as a reward?  Do you get the feeling they’re just humoring the trainers?  If they really wanted to, they could easily reestablish their place on top of the food chain…

Assertiveness or Persistence

What’s the opposite of assertiveness and persistence? Aggressiveness and demanding.  One works and the other doesn’t.  Do one and you’ll get taken seriously, do the other and you’ll be laughed at.

Assertiveness is stating what you want in a respectful, but no-nonsense tone.  Assertiveness doesn’t demand, it states strongly.  Aggressiveness demands emotionally with an implied threat if demands aren’t met.  It certainly works, but usually with damage done.  Be aggressive long enough and you’ll be avoided at all cost.

Persistence is the act of sticking with a request by using different approaches to achieve the desired end-state.  There is a fine balance between persistence and annoyance.  Persistence is a series of gentle reminders.  Done with the right tone and variety, they will achieve their goal.  Demanding has the subtlety of a jackhammer.  It often works (just as you’d do most anything to shut the noise of a jackhammer off) but results are short-lived and pretty much guarantees that it’s a one-time victory.

People who are aggressive and demanding get what they want, but will never be taken seriously.  Using a tactful mix of assertiveness and persistence is the strategy of any successful salesperson or business person.  The tools take less emotion, use less fear, and build up confidence.  Learned early enough, they are your ticket to success in school, relationships, and in the beginning stages of work life.  Applied consistently, they are the building blocks of successful careers.   Ultimately, they’ll send the message that you’re mature and should be taken seriously. 

Little Things are Important

If you think about it, most of the major issues we face all begin with a small problem.  The Titanic was sunk by an iceberg just grazing its side, scratching out the rivets that made the hull separate.  Most airplane crashes happen as a result of several small issues culminating into one big catastrophe.

When I was in the Army, one of the first phrases we learned in basic training was “pay attention to detail.”  Paying attention to detail means that we proactively look at all the little things that could have a big impact.  Obviously in the Army it’s important when you’re on an important mission and lives and cost are at stake.  I think it’s important for all of us on a daily basis.

One small miscommunication can expand into a major misunderstanding and conflict.  A small detail left out of a project plan can cause the entire process to break down.  On missing ingredient can turn that perfect recipe into something your dog wouldn’t eat.

We often tell people not to “sweat the small stuff” but in reality, paying attention to the “small stuff” might prevent a much bigger problem.  Just like a small mechanical issue on your car can turn into a large bill, your small issue can cost time, money, and sometimes relationships.

This week, I’m going to make a concerted effort to really look at the details of stuff that I’m planning.  Maybe this attempt to “sweat the small stuff” will pay big dividends for me.  Will you join me?