Getting off your butt and taking charge.

Leadership: Getting off your butt and taking charge.

Saturday you probably saw the story unfolding down in Italy where the cruise ship Costa Concordia ran aground.  Early accounts talked about the ship's Captain, Francesco Schettino abandoning ship with passengers still aboard.  This morning. official transcripts from the port authority show a terrified ship commander that had no interest in re-boarding the stricken ship.  When the time for taking charge came along, he bailed out.

A friend of mine told me a story about attending a local rodeo. They parked the car in a cramped dirt lot across the street from the Convention Center and when they went to the get the car, it was parked in the corner with five cars stacked around it. The two Middle Eastern men who ran the lot were trying to park cars, remove cars, fix a flat which meant that him and the family were standing around for quite a while waiting for their car.  Finally, stressed out, both men just stood around, paralyzed while they stood out in the hot sun.  My friend yelled at them out of frustration, telling them that the cars won't move by just staring at them.  That seemed to shake them up and they got busy.  Finally they managed to get their car.  Nobody took charge and without that, nobody got anything done.

Leadership is a combination of knowing what you need to do, but the most important part is the actual doing!  Having knowledge and experience does nothing without taking charge and implementing it.

I'm starting to realize that the amount of people taking charge anymore is pretty small. Maybe people are searching in vain for that "leader."  I wonder if maybe this is your chance to step up?

Look for opportunities to take charge when there seems to be apathy or lethargy.  When the outcome is uncertain and people are paralyzed by it, it's your chance to jump in and take control.  Maybe there is a hidden leader inside that you'll finally get to awaken.

This is two incidents. Who knows how many you come across.  There is power in taking charge. Why not tap into that power?

Beware of "The Creep"

We're just a few days into the new year and for many folks, their well-intended resolutions (we've decided to call them goals) are already on the path to failure.

The scary part is that they have no idea.  For now everything seems right on track.  The diet's going well.  They've made it to the gym four of the past five days.  What ever your resolution. You're taking proactive steps.  What they haven't been tracking is the "creep." "Creep" is a word used in the consulting field when the original scope of the project is slowly and subtly increased.  It happens benignly enough but before it's too late to change course, the new changes are locked in.

The danger of the "creep" is that it starts so innocently and changes our thinking from "no way" to "it's OK, just this once."  From "scope creep" in a project to "brass creep" at the Pentagon, no one and no thing is immune to it.

This week, take another look at your goal and look for potential opportunities to "creep."  Make yourself aware so you can avoid those situations. Don't let your progress for this year get sidetracked from the beginning!

Why We Should Give Generously?

Why We Should Give Generously?                                                                                                                                     

Let me start out with saying, I have not always been the most generous of people. In fact I’m still not. I have cynical thoughts about those people I see alongside the road with signs asking for help. I think to myself, is this someone playing me for a sucker? Is he going to walk away from here, get in his new Mercedes and drive away? Try as I may, I can’t get myself to give those folks anything.                                 

What I have learned is when you give with joy, selflessness, and love, you benefit greatly. The attitude you bring to your giving will reflect the benefits you gain. Parents share their shelter, food, and love with their children simply because they love them and not because they seek their love. Ultimately, the rewards are tremendous.                                                                                                                                                      

When you give to others or give of yourself to meaningful causes, things change. You expect more of yourself. You discover new feelings of self-worth. Indeed, you begin to tap into your true gifts and talents. And when you do that, you can achieve your full potential as you help yourself and others.            

For some of us it does not come easy. What I have done is to see those folks commonly referred to as the working poor. Try as they might they are doing everything they can to keep a roof over their heads and food in their bellies. These are the folks I try and focus my efforts. I can’t get cynical here.                             

Do you know about a family or senior citizen who needs a little extra help during the holidays? Families are experiencing any number of issues.  While the most common is unemployment, there is also the under employed, or the working poor. Both have left them at Christmas with very few resources. For senior citizens, it’s individuals who are alone because they’ve lost a spouse and have no family or they are being protected from some kind of abuse. Without our help, they won’t be celebrating Christmas.      

The holiday spirit is infection this time of year.  It’s the time when people are nicer, more compassionate, more giving, and usually happier.  The spirit of giving is an interesting component of the overall holiday spirit.  It can be loosely defined by the Webster dictionary as an inclination, impulse, or tendency to give.  How can you not be intrigued by an invisible force that mystically inspires people to give more than any other time of year?  Almost all non-profit organizations receive 40% of their yearly donations in the last six weeks of the year, despite the need for donations all year long.                                

I’m asking everyone who is able to reach out and help someone who needs you. Trust me; you will be better for it. Don't rely on your neighbor to give, because they very well be relying on you.                            

Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.                                     

Proverbs 3:27

Your Beach

There's a commercial playing on TV these days showing a guy drinking a Corona on a beach and a flight attendant with one of those big rolling drink carts comes walking up to ask him if he's doing ok.  Turns out he's on a flight daydreaming about the beach.

Have you ever been told at the doctor or the dentist office to "go to your happy place" before a painful or scary procedure?  If so, you've probably found your "beach" someplace and went there in your mind.  This visualization is a powerful tool to help you relax.

Visualization is a technique where you mentally "go" someplace else.  I've seen it used in stress management classes and I've personally used it coaching nervous folks who need to do a presentation.  The mind is a very powerful tool.

I read an article a long time ago about a POW who spent years in the infamous Hanoi Hilton.  To combat the stress of solitary confinement, he would mentally play golf each day.  When he emerged years later, physically debilitated, he managed to have an outstanding score on his first day back on the course.  Each day he "played" the course in his mind and when he played for real, his body was already in sync.

Your "beach" is a great way to de-stress.  Pick a place that you can completely see, in all dimensions.  Imagine the sight, sounds, smells.  Visualize all the activities around you.  Take yourself there and stay there for the duration of the stressful event.  You'll notice a remarkable change in your stress level.

A word of warning though.  Avoid this "beach" while driving, sitting in a boring meeting or class where you may get called on, or when arguing with your significant other.  If you have to interact verbally or visually, you'll be so disconnected that you may not recover in time.  On that stressful flight, painful procedure, or other unnerving situations though, feel free to hit the "beach" and relax.  Who knows, maybe I'll see you there!

Blaming Others To Justify Your Own Bad Behavior

How many times have you heard someone who said something that is mean, vindictive and hurtful, or committed a violent and/or destructive act ,  justify it by saying the recipient had 'made' the perpetrator mad? 

That's an example of using blame to excuse your own bad behavior.
Unfortunately, blame is like anger in that it dulls one sense of empathy. It allows a person to act in a hurtful way to another human being. It isn't the act itself, but it often clears the road. This is a small, but important point. Ordinary humans have inhibitions that serve as a buffer against what we know is bad behavior. Blame is not the act itself, but it either erodes or outright removes these inhibitions, often both . It develops a thought pattern that allows the person's emotions to override his/her self-control in order to achieve an often selfish end -- including sustaining dysfunctional patterns.
While this may seem like an overly harsh statement, also realize the kind of mindset that so quickly adopts blame as a defensive posture for emotional/ego protection is exactly the  same one that will put you in front of, otherwise avoidable, physical danger.

When I teach classes, one of the things I ask the attendees to do in their introductions is to talk about one item on their "Bucket List".

If you're not familiar with the term, a "Bucket List" is a list of things you do before you "kick the bucket."  It was popularized by a movie by the same name a few years ago.  I tell students that by knowing the important things in other folks personal lives (like their "Bucket List" item) they can better build rapport with them.

I'm always amazed at some of the statements.  Most want to travel.  Some want to pilot or jump out of planes.  Some want to see their kids grow up and go to college.  Others want something as simple as retiring. Regardless of what it is, for the person who has the item on the list, it's really important and a nice topic for conversation.  It's also a nice goal to shoot for.  On a personal level, it can give you something special to look forward to.

Have you ever thought about your own "Bucket List" items?

The Most Interesting Man in the World

One of my favorite commercials is the one for Dos Equis Beer involving The Most Interesting Man in the World.  This fictional character seems to be involved in nearly everything and is described with such statements as His mother has a tattoo that says "Son". He doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, it's Dos Equis.

This past week I spoke to an old friend who is looking for a job. He actually made the statement, "I'm not sure I have anything to offer". I told him to leverage his personal strengths to compete for an open position.  In my opinions, more people suffer a lack of self-esteem than are cocky and arrogant.

All of us have unique strengths and abilities.  Those are tied into our life experiences.  It's these experiences that define who we are.  While we don't all have the same whirlwind lifestyle of The Most Interesting Man in the World, certainly we've done some interesting things.  More importantly, if we've ever overcome adversity, that alone is worth leveraging as we work to position our experiences.

What have you overcome?  Divorce?  Health issues?  Deaths of friends or family members? Financial catastrophe?   If you've gone through these valleys and safely emerged on the other side, you're a survivor with a story to tell.  Those intangible things you've learned such as patience, perseverance, compassion, or whatever makes you someone who can get things done.  It makes you indispensible in some way.  It also makes you interesting.

This week, do a self-inventory of what you've done in your lifetime.  List highs and lows, accomplishments and failures.  Each of these are the building blocks that define us.  Then think of ways to take the lessons and traits learned and apply them to whatever you're wrestling with now.

All of us have something to offer but don't expect people to go out of their way to discover it.  You have to identify it and promote it.  Even The Most Interesting Man in the World needs to let someone know of his accomplishments.  What makes you any less interesting than him?