Why We Should Give Generously?

Why We Should Give Generously?                                                                                                                                     

Let me start out with saying, I have not always been the most generous of people. In fact I’m still not. I have cynical thoughts about those people I see alongside the road with signs asking for help. I think to myself, is this someone playing me for a sucker? Is he going to walk away from here, get in his new Mercedes and drive away? Try as I may, I can’t get myself to give those folks anything.                                 

What I have learned is when you give with joy, selflessness, and love, you benefit greatly. The attitude you bring to your giving will reflect the benefits you gain. Parents share their shelter, food, and love with their children simply because they love them and not because they seek their love. Ultimately, the rewards are tremendous.                                                                                                                                                      

When you give to others or give of yourself to meaningful causes, things change. You expect more of yourself. You discover new feelings of self-worth. Indeed, you begin to tap into your true gifts and talents. And when you do that, you can achieve your full potential as you help yourself and others.            

For some of us it does not come easy. What I have done is to see those folks commonly referred to as the working poor. Try as they might they are doing everything they can to keep a roof over their heads and food in their bellies. These are the folks I try and focus my efforts. I can’t get cynical here.                             

Do you know about a family or senior citizen who needs a little extra help during the holidays? Families are experiencing any number of issues.  While the most common is unemployment, there is also the under employed, or the working poor. Both have left them at Christmas with very few resources. For senior citizens, it’s individuals who are alone because they’ve lost a spouse and have no family or they are being protected from some kind of abuse. Without our help, they won’t be celebrating Christmas.      

The holiday spirit is infection this time of year.  It’s the time when people are nicer, more compassionate, more giving, and usually happier.  The spirit of giving is an interesting component of the overall holiday spirit.  It can be loosely defined by the Webster dictionary as an inclination, impulse, or tendency to give.  How can you not be intrigued by an invisible force that mystically inspires people to give more than any other time of year?  Almost all non-profit organizations receive 40% of their yearly donations in the last six weeks of the year, despite the need for donations all year long.                                

I’m asking everyone who is able to reach out and help someone who needs you. Trust me; you will be better for it. Don't rely on your neighbor to give, because they very well be relying on you.                            

Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.                                     

Proverbs 3:27

Your Beach

There's a commercial playing on TV these days showing a guy drinking a Corona on a beach and a flight attendant with one of those big rolling drink carts comes walking up to ask him if he's doing ok.  Turns out he's on a flight daydreaming about the beach.

Have you ever been told at the doctor or the dentist office to "go to your happy place" before a painful or scary procedure?  If so, you've probably found your "beach" someplace and went there in your mind.  This visualization is a powerful tool to help you relax.

Visualization is a technique where you mentally "go" someplace else.  I've seen it used in stress management classes and I've personally used it coaching nervous folks who need to do a presentation.  The mind is a very powerful tool.

I read an article a long time ago about a POW who spent years in the infamous Hanoi Hilton.  To combat the stress of solitary confinement, he would mentally play golf each day.  When he emerged years later, physically debilitated, he managed to have an outstanding score on his first day back on the course.  Each day he "played" the course in his mind and when he played for real, his body was already in sync.

Your "beach" is a great way to de-stress.  Pick a place that you can completely see, in all dimensions.  Imagine the sight, sounds, smells.  Visualize all the activities around you.  Take yourself there and stay there for the duration of the stressful event.  You'll notice a remarkable change in your stress level.

A word of warning though.  Avoid this "beach" while driving, sitting in a boring meeting or class where you may get called on, or when arguing with your significant other.  If you have to interact verbally or visually, you'll be so disconnected that you may not recover in time.  On that stressful flight, painful procedure, or other unnerving situations though, feel free to hit the "beach" and relax.  Who knows, maybe I'll see you there!

Blaming Others To Justify Your Own Bad Behavior

How many times have you heard someone who said something that is mean, vindictive and hurtful, or committed a violent and/or destructive act ,  justify it by saying the recipient had 'made' the perpetrator mad? 

That's an example of using blame to excuse your own bad behavior.
Unfortunately, blame is like anger in that it dulls one sense of empathy. It allows a person to act in a hurtful way to another human being. It isn't the act itself, but it often clears the road. This is a small, but important point. Ordinary humans have inhibitions that serve as a buffer against what we know is bad behavior. Blame is not the act itself, but it either erodes or outright removes these inhibitions, often both . It develops a thought pattern that allows the person's emotions to override his/her self-control in order to achieve an often selfish end -- including sustaining dysfunctional patterns.
While this may seem like an overly harsh statement, also realize the kind of mindset that so quickly adopts blame as a defensive posture for emotional/ego protection is exactly the  same one that will put you in front of, otherwise avoidable, physical danger.

When I teach classes, one of the things I ask the attendees to do in their introductions is to talk about one item on their "Bucket List".

If you're not familiar with the term, a "Bucket List" is a list of things you do before you "kick the bucket."  It was popularized by a movie by the same name a few years ago.  I tell students that by knowing the important things in other folks personal lives (like their "Bucket List" item) they can better build rapport with them.

I'm always amazed at some of the statements.  Most want to travel.  Some want to pilot or jump out of planes.  Some want to see their kids grow up and go to college.  Others want something as simple as retiring. Regardless of what it is, for the person who has the item on the list, it's really important and a nice topic for conversation.  It's also a nice goal to shoot for.  On a personal level, it can give you something special to look forward to.

Have you ever thought about your own "Bucket List" items?

The Most Interesting Man in the World

One of my favorite commercials is the one for Dos Equis Beer involving The Most Interesting Man in the World.  This fictional character seems to be involved in nearly everything and is described with such statements as His mother has a tattoo that says "Son". He doesn't always drink beer, but when he does, it's Dos Equis.

This past week I spoke to an old friend who is looking for a job. He actually made the statement, "I'm not sure I have anything to offer". I told him to leverage his personal strengths to compete for an open position.  In my opinions, more people suffer a lack of self-esteem than are cocky and arrogant.

All of us have unique strengths and abilities.  Those are tied into our life experiences.  It's these experiences that define who we are.  While we don't all have the same whirlwind lifestyle of The Most Interesting Man in the World, certainly we've done some interesting things.  More importantly, if we've ever overcome adversity, that alone is worth leveraging as we work to position our experiences.

What have you overcome?  Divorce?  Health issues?  Deaths of friends or family members? Financial catastrophe?   If you've gone through these valleys and safely emerged on the other side, you're a survivor with a story to tell.  Those intangible things you've learned such as patience, perseverance, compassion, or whatever makes you someone who can get things done.  It makes you indispensible in some way.  It also makes you interesting.

This week, do a self-inventory of what you've done in your lifetime.  List highs and lows, accomplishments and failures.  Each of these are the building blocks that define us.  Then think of ways to take the lessons and traits learned and apply them to whatever you're wrestling with now.

All of us have something to offer but don't expect people to go out of their way to discover it.  You have to identify it and promote it.  Even The Most Interesting Man in the World needs to let someone know of his accomplishments.  What makes you any less interesting than him?

Recently, folks in the United States flooded each other with questions like "what were you doing on 9/11?"  Those of us who are old enough to remember that day can also remember the sights, sounds, smells, reactions, and feelings of that day.  We can recount nearly everything we experienced in those moments and it brings back the hopeless, vulnerable, and sad feelings we all experienced that day.  In a sense, they have become part of what anchors that day in our memory.

Most people, including myself, all have certain "anchors" we reflect on.  They're often about a significant day or event we've experienced and when we think about it, it often elicits certain feelings.

One of my anchors was the day, many years ago, when my boss told me he needed me to be the "slide monkey" (that's the guy who pushes the enter button on a laptop to move the PowerPoint slides forward) while he briefed our Plan.  I had helped create and facilitate this plan and when told all I was to do in the brief was be the "slide monkey" it really hurt.  I hung on to that memory for a long time, and even now I am nauseated when asked to be the "slide monkey" during one of our briefs.

Anchors don't always have to be negative though.  I often think back of times when things went really well and savor the feelings of satisfaction and accomplishment.  Just like the smell of a turkey in the oven reminds you of family gatherings at Thanksgiving (and hopefully some good memories!), positive anchors can take you from a bad mood to a good one.

What are the anchors you're focusing on?  Do you find yourself replaying every hurtful things ever done to you or are you focusing on some of your greatest moments?  What you saturate your mind with will play out in your outward attitude and interactions with others.  Negative people project the same negative feelings that are anchored to events.  The phrase "expect the worst and you won't be disappointed" is a classic example.  On the other hand, being optimistic is nothing more than remembering successes from the past and searching out the same kind of success for the future.

Think about all the POSITIVE anchors in your life.  In spite of what others say, look at each challenge as an opportunity to add yet another POSITIVE anchor into your memory bank.  It's a much happier way to live your life, and people can't help but want to be around those who project optimism.  It's nothing but a simple choice, but only you can make it.

I have always been someone who avoids Pan handlers. I always wonder if they are scamming me. I have to admit this is not one of my few redeeming characteristics. Today I read an article about Vicki Julian's forthcoming work, Simple Things to Make This World a Better Place. As a Minister, Vicki uses biblical reference for each of her examples. She suggest for the needy who ask You for money (Matthew 5:42). Buy fast food certificates and have them handy to give to those who are hungry. Buy bus tokens or discount store gift certificates to give. Keep numbers and addresses of agencies that can help and give it on a card to the person if they are unaware of where to go for assistance.

I am very impressed with this approach and wanted to share it.